Timeless
by Escritor
Summary: Literati. She reveled at how such beautiful words could make her heart break so easily. Oneshot.


Timeless by Escritor.

Note: Only my second lit fic. Please be kind and review. Lyrics are by Taking Back Sunday, and the song is "Divine Intervention."

_Despondent, distracted,_

_You're vicious and romantic;_

_These are a few of my favorite things._

_All of those flavors and_

_This is what you choose:_

_Past the blues, past the blues,_

_And on to something new,_

Rory sometimes wondered what Jess was doing. She'd be washing her clothes in Yale's overcrowded laundry room, and she'd suddenly wonder what Jess was reading. She'd be eating dinner and she'd wonder if Jess was eating the same thing she was. The questions came out of nowhere; she didn't _want_ to ask them, and she didn't want to care. But she did ask them, and she did care, and she did slowly begin to realize that she loved him with her entire heart and always would. She slowly began to realize that whoever she married, and whoever she was with at the time, would be second best to Jess.

Her heart did familiar somersaults when thinking about just his name – she'd think back on all the memories, all the times they shared, and she'd be overtaken with emotions. It wasn't the kisses she missed, or the dates, but the feeling of knowing she was with him. Even when she was apart from him, even when she was at Chilton and he was at Stars Hollow High or Wal-Mart, she still was _Jess' Girlfriend._ It was a title she wore on her heart and on her sleeve. She was his.

She couldn't help but compare Logan to Jess, too. She had a bad habit of comparing what Logan would do in certain situations to what Jess would. Jess' reaction would usually be the one she'd prefer. Even when Logan would whisper "You belong to me," in her ear, she'd compare it to what Jess used to say: "We belong together, Rory."

They did. They always would.

_Something real - make it timeless, _

_An act of God and nothing less will be accepted. _

_So if you're calling me out, _

_Then count me out._

When Rory told Logan, he was surprised, but not as angered as she would have expected.

"The boy from that night? The – the scruffy one? The writer?"

Rory nodded slowly, unable to meet his eyes. She stared at her heels, biting down on her lower lip as she contemplated what to say. "I…"

"You love him? You love _him_?"

She nodded again. "Logan, I'm sorry…"

"When's the last time you even saw him? Have you seen him…? Have you been seeing him behind my back?" he asked, sounding hurt.

She shook her head. "No, no. I just… It's always there, Logan."

"_What's_ always there?"

She tapped her foot, as if by doing so she'd be given some almighty power to get her through this. "My feelings for him are always there."

Logan scratched his head. "Then be with him."

"Logan…" she whispered, desperately.

"What did you think I was going to say? What did you _want_ me to say? 'Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I guess I'll just have to deal?' No, Rory, I can't. It's not fair to you or to me. Just… be with him."

Rory glanced at him. "I'm sorry."

Logan sighed. "You can't help it, Rory. I wish you loved me, but you can't help it."

_Yeah, we're stubborn and melodramatic, _

_A real class act. _

_You see, I know a few of your favorite things. _

_Five in the morning and all comes out pouring, _

_Love, out the same way in._

And so she found herself in Philadelphia, outside his book store, hands in the pockets of her green pea-coat. She suddenly felt stupid – what if he had a girlfriend, and what if he'd moved on? Maybe she was the only one with feelings. He'd given her plenty of opportunities to take him back, and she'd crushed each one underneath her heels. She told herself she wouldn't be surprised if he hated her by now, and she told herself not to get her hopes up.

She entered the store while taking a deep breath and looking around. It looked the same as last time, if not a bit cleaner and more organized. There was a bigger coffee area, and somewhere in the back of her narcissistic mind she wondered if he added that part while thinking of her.

She went up to a man behind the counter and asked him if he knew where Jess was; he replied that Jess was out for the evening, but would be returning soon, and that if she wanted to wait she could. She said thank you and promptly left.

_It was a stupid idea to come here anyway,_ she told herself in a desperate attempt to make herself feel better. _It is better that I didn't see him - it would probably break my heart._

She wandered through the streets for a while, not sure what she was aiming for or where she was intending to go. As she walked, she found a small coffee shop with a very cutesy name, and decided to step in. Coffee was just the thing to get her mind off of Jess… Off of how stupid she was, and how much she screwed up.

Rory entered the coffee shop and looked around; it was small on the outside, but had a large and expansive interior, with many couches, tables, and counters. She decided to seat herself at one of the tables, and within seconds a nice young waitress came up to her and started spouting off the different types of coffees, éclairs, and cakes they had. Rory asked for a simple coffee, with none of the superfluous add-ons, and the waitress, confused, went to fill her order. This was not a day for annoying drinks with names she couldn't pronounce. It was a day for a regular coffee, black, with nothing on the side, so she could drink it and go.

A few moments later, as she was finishing up her coffee and getting ready to leave, she felt someone's presence next to her. She froze, not wanting to look up, and scared of who it was.

"Rory."

_Something real - make it timeless,_

_An act of God and nothing less will be accepted._

_Now if you're calling me out,_

_Then count me out._

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then turned to face him. "Hi, Jess," she said lamely, sounding pathetic even in her own ears.

His eyes darted around the room, smiling distractedly at a familiar face, then returned to hers. "What are you doing here, Rory? John told me you stopped by, and I figured you'd need coffee."

"How did John know who I was?"

Jess shrugged. "I've shown him pictures."

Rory nodded. "Oh."

"What are you doing here?"

She scratched her neck, a nervous habit she'd picked up over the years. "I, well, I… I just wanted to visit."

"You wanted to visit," he repeated, slightly dumbfounded. "You wanted to visit me."

"Yes," she answered.

"Why?"

She shifted on her feet. "I don't know."

"There's gotta be a reason, Rory. Did Logan…?"

"Did Logan what?" she asked.

He looked unsure. "Did he… hurt you?" The 'again,' is unspoken, but implied.

"No, no. If anything I hurt him."

"What?"

She shifted on her feet. "Well, I told him that I didn't love him anymore." He opened his mouth to say something, but she knew she had to continue before she lost all bravery. "Actually, I told him I never loved him. I told him I loved someone else, and that… And that I couldn't be with him because I wanted to be with you and that I always loved you and never stopped."

He was taken aback, and Rory took his silence as an opportunity to continue.

"I know we were never in the same place at the same time, and I know I probably hurt you, and I know you hurt me, but… Despite it all, I've always loved you, and I've always wished that maybe one day we could be together. Maybe one day we could just… bump into each other and start over and pretend none of it happened." She felt like crying, and her voice broke slightly while talking. "But I know I can't change the past. I just feel like… Maybe I screwed up. Maybe I did something wrong that made you go to California. Maybe…"

"Don't blame yourself for that. That was all me. But I'm not going to say you didn't hurt me, too."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down at her feet. The tears were getting ready to fall, and she wished she could somehow stop them. He brought his hand to her face and lightly traced the side of her face with his hand. A second later he removed his hand, and Rory ached for his touch again.

"I am, too."

She bit her lip. "There's no way… There's no way we can start over?"

Jess shook his head. "I can't, Rory."

_Something real, make it timeless,_

_An act of God and nothing less will be accepted._

_I said real, make it timeless,_

_An act of God and nothing less will be accepted._

_Now if you're calling me out,_

_Then count me out._

She thought that would be his answer. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He faltered. "No."

"Then why not?"

"_Because_. It's you and me, Rory. It is what it is. We can't change the fact that all we do is hurt each other. To get into a relationship with you again would just be masochistic."

She nodded, heartbroken. "I understand."

He was silent again, and the silence seemed unbearable. "I guess I should go," she said quietly.

"Yeah," he muttered.

He followed her out of the store and they walked to her car, standing awkwardly for a few minutes.

Rory looked down. "Bye, Jess." She turned and opened the door of her car, and got ready to slip inside.

"Rory?"

She turned around to face him.

"If it makes you feel any better…" He trailed off for a second.

"Yes?" she answered, hoping he'd say something that wouldn't make her feel so awful inside.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've always loved you, no matter what, and I always will."

She smiled slightly, even though the tears fell down her cheeks. "I love you too, Jess."

He nodded, and lifted his hand to say goodbye.

She sighed and got in her car, revved the engine, and drove away. As she drove on, unsure of her destination, she reveled at how such beautiful words could make her heart break so easily.


End file.
